Thursday, December 1, 2011

Resident Troll: The Beginning of Beware the Internet

So, I'm homeschooled. This means I have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands, and instead of doing something productive like getting a job or volunteering somewhere, I mess around with my dog, play old video games, and browse the internet. Of course, the internet is an extremely scary place, so one has to be cautious. As anyone who knows me can tell you, I lack the common sense that most people expect from five year olds. No real common sense + the internet = Gabby being put into very awkward and strange situations.

The internet is a scary place due to it's anonymity, and the whole free-speech thing we've got going on in this lovely country. With people hiding behind a computer screen, they can let out their most insane wishes. I realized this last night when I came across a person (who will now be referred to as OS) who wanted to write against a Zelda. Clicking on their journal, I skimmed through the general information about OS, but everything kind of read similarly to a high school handbooks (I hope that you take pride in your work, and whatnot). One of the first red flags was that, and the fact that the person was using candara font. (After a general period of website making, I feel that everyone should know to only use web-safe fonts, and not what looks pretty on your word document.) This person also used many idioms that I did not know. It all generally became TL;DR, so I skipped the other pages of information and went to OS's contact post. That was stupid. Red Flag. OS asked for you to leave you email, which is unusual because the website I found him/her on sent notifications via email when someone commented on your post/replied to your comment. For a moment I tried to figure out which email to use (my personal, or one of my secondary ones just in case this person was a psycho). I of course, picked the not-so-smart decision.

I gave my personal one because I always check it. An hour or two later I got an email from a General Valter. (Google tells me this is a Fire Emblem character.)

...

That was strange. Whatever. I opened it.

Here's the email.
This is OS from IL (I'm assuming the IL part was a typo, because the website I found him/her on is abbreviated as IJ), and I'm happy you're willing to play as Zelda. I read your reply, and I was wondering:
1. Do any of the plotlines and such listed in my Journal interest you (they can be converted to the Zelda universe if need be)?
 Looks like I need to go back and read those...
2. Would you be willing to RP as her opposite an OC (I promise he's no Mary Sue)?
Original characters? Not what I had in mind, nor was I assuming he would be a Mary Sue, because I trust you, dear friend, but we'll see...
3. Do you have any likes, dislikes and dealbreakers kink-wise that I should know about?
Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

At that line I decided I was not going to pursue this particular venture. Against my better judgement, I returned to the General's journal. Curious...

Oh. You have an entire smut list? I didn't even know people made those. Curious...

I clicked on the link. Adult content warning. Of course I'm of age. I waited for the page to load and hoped nothing obscene popped up on it. Oh, good. Only words. And a little logo in the right hand corner telling me that I was on a furry wesbite. Well, that's nice and not strange at all. But damn. That smut list was long. Not only was it long, but it was divided into categories. (Faves, Yes, No, and two other columns I can't remember.) Among the favorites were anal, worship, and how nice, dating before the characters were to get down and dirty.

What's the lesson here? Read everything. Or else you'll end up dealing with smutty furries.

Also: I'm working on finishing Skyward Sword. When that happens, I'll definitely put a review up. There will probably be another anime review up before that, though. And then I'm getting rid of my Wii.

2 comments:

  1. Because when a stranger attempts to lure you into a shower with candies... you'll end up dealing with smutty furries ...

    ...

    Maybe I'll tell J. Sandusky it's best if I stay home this week after this intriguing lesson...

    ReplyDelete
  2. insert joke about humping redeads in the Furry Temple here

    ReplyDelete

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