Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Slightly Redder Red: iOS Mini Reviews

I'm a bit of a fan of gaming on my iPhone (or iTouch, whatever), and feel like multiple games need reviewing all at once.

1) Rage HD: The game looks downright amazing. It's great looking for an iOS title, and coming off the hype over the graphically impressive Infinity Blade 2 that's saying a lot. I actually dislike first person shooter titles on iOS because of how clunky they are regarding movement and things of the like, and I really appreciate how Rage ditched freedom of motion for quality's sake. The entire game is essentially just moving through different rail shooting segments, and they're damn fine rail shooter segments if I must say. If I had to suggest a control scheme, pick touchpad, it's the one that's the easiest to play as. Overall, 9/10.

2) Atari Greatest Hits: For 10 dollars, you can get 99 classic Atari 2600 and Atari cabinet games, and it's worth every cent. Insanely addictive and amazing, games like Pong, Missile Defense, and Asteroids are getting very high quality releases on the iPhone, which is something I've actually waited for for a while. Money well spent, 8/10. The 8 is mostly due to that the controls are a bit lacking at times, although it isn't game breaking. 

3) Monster Galaxy: The Zodiac Islands: It's a title from Gaia Interactive, and I'm sure most of the internet has heard of Gaia Online, so you should know what you're getting into with this. It's basically a clone of Pokemon, except with a tenth of the depth and a twentieth of the content, which is okay. I can live with that, not all Pokemon clones can be Pokemon. You capture "mogas", which are basically just Pokemon that fucked Digimon and then got drawn by the artists who work on Gaia Online. It's got a candy land type board to progress on, so it's mostly just fight after fight after fight. Again, acceptable for an iOS title of the like. But what I dislike most is that it tries too hard to NOT be different from other iOS titles like Mafia Wars or Gang Wars. There's rechargeable energy used to actually move or fight, and each moga needs to be rested to regain health. I'm not talking Pokemon Center, Nurse Joy rest, I'm talking actual minutes and hours. It tries way too hard to be like Farmville. Overall, 4/10, just due to what seems like, to me, a lack of overall effort to be its own product. If this is what makes money, fine. But look back on how games like Tiny Wings and Cut the Rope changed the game with home innovative they were. Sure, not everyone can be their platform's Portal, but they can at least make an effort.

4) Justin Bieber Dress Up: You know, I was going to try to be funny and make a whole paragraph about how the outfits are beautifully rendered in 1080p resolution, or how many clothes there were and how much they add to the depth, but fuck that. This "game" has none of that. This piece of shit literally makes me want to individually shoot off each of my toes with a pistol. I truly have lost faith in humanity. -10/10. And that's generous. 

I realize that I arranged these in descending order of quality... unintentionally. 

Oh well, don't expect much else this week, I have midterms, which means I'll be spending my afternoons playing Bioshock.


1 comment:

  1. Why are you playing Bioshock when needs you to be level 50!?


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