Sunday, February 26, 2012

Slightly Redder Red: Weekend Update X

1) So far I've been successful in playing vidya besides Skyrim. I'm happy with my life.

2) So, Sony's Playstation branch has been doing this "reality show" on Youtube for about three seasons, where they get a group of people to take place in events to become a game tester for Sony. Hence, "The Tester." But this is the first season featuring an internet celebrity, so this was the only season people have actually given a shit about. For those of you who don't know who was voted to be on the show, internet famous animator Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson was voted in by his fans (I would have voted if I had known this was going on, I've been an Egoraptor fan for about three years, he won by a landslide though so it really wouldn't have made a difference), and he was basically the selling point for this season. "Hey, guys, Egoraptor is going to be on 'The Tester,' he's funny, let's watch it!" And, for the most part, him being cool as a cucumber and not being shouty or annoying like some of the cast was redeeming. He seemed a lot less like he had on a fake personality like some of the contestants seemed to have. However, being real on a "reality TV show" gets you nowhere, and he was kicked off in episode three. Sony should probably expect a massive drop in views.
The premise of the show isn't all that bad, but at times it can get really dumb. They have an annoying model for a judge who always cracks shitty one liners that someone clearly wrote for her, and a slightly less annoying host. They also have Sony celebs like David Jaffe and Nolan North show up, so that's cool I guess (the video of one of the contestant who's name I can't pull off the top of my head running over to North to give him a flying hug is really funny). The best part? Youtuber holdenmcclure's video series "The Tester in a Nutshell," which is an abridged version of The Tester, actually has more views than the tester itself. Goes to show how entertaining the show is.
My tl;dr thoughts about The Tester? It's sub-par. The only reason I had even heard of it in the first place was due to Egoraptor's video about it, and it's in its third season. If you want to follow the show but not give Sony the views, here's a link to holdenmcclure's channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/holdenmcclure?feature=watch

4) Tribes: Ascend is great. The best free-to-play online game I've played since... ever. PLAY IT. It requires skill, strategy, teamwork, dedication, and balance, and plus the community is awesome since the CoD Kiddies haven't gotten their hands on it yet. Also, it's so satisfying to cap the flag going 200km/h. What other game has that? Go fast while you still can.

5) So I finally started Dark Souls, and goddamn is this game amazing. I had no idea how good the gameplay and exploration elements were from just hearing Alex and Chazz talk about it, I had to experience it first. The true open world gameplay, the fun combat, the amazing feel of it overall, ranks it as one of my top games of 2011 (you can tell me it's too late to name top games of 2011, but I don't care, screw you). I've put about... a little less than twenty hours into the game, and most of that was spent running around farming Titanite to make Quelagg's Furysword. But, I just downed Dragon Slayer Ornstein and Executioner Smough today, and I killed Smough first, so I got the coolest armor in the goddamn game. Alex was also impressed at me being able to go in and kill Giant Ornstein on my second try, so I'm proud of myself. Albeit, I died to the both of them about eight times. I digress.

6) It is now a universal law that Kingdom Hearts I + II have the greatest intro cutscene of any video game ever made, and will be made (until Square finally releases three). REGARRRRDLESSSS OF WARRRRRRNINGGGGS THE FUTURE DOESN'T SCARE ME AT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOTHINGG'S LIIIIIIIKE BEEEEEEFORE.

7) I'd like to take a minute to talk about the recent events regarding Bioware employee, Senior Writer for Dragon Age II Jennifer Hepler. Or, better known as Hamburger Helper. Reddit has made a lot of attacks against her, mostly just bombing the hell out of her Twitter account, attacking her in a Q&A on the SWTOR forums, and other assorted name calling and insulting her character. Now, I do have issues regarding all the twelve-year-old name calling and the likes, especially from grown men and women making horrid remarks on her reputation as a writer, but I am equally ashamed of Hepler as well, and how she handled the situation.
Yes, the hate directed at Hepler was childish and mundane, and I would go into the events surrounding if not for everyone and their mom knowing about what happened, but so was how Hepler reacted. There's a saying that goes 'Don't feed the trolls," but Hepler fed them plenty. What started as "They're jealous that I have a game industry job and a vagina, while they can't have either one," soon just degraded into "fuck you!", and "no, fuck you!" The calm and professional air which Hepler should have kept to stay above the masses was broken. Simply staying silent against the torrent of insults would have been more professional than calling the age old excuse of "jealousy" and stooping to their childish levels.
But the part that pisses me off the most is when Hepler pulled the misogyny card on the haters. Just because she's a woman with a game industry job means she's getting a ton of hate. No, you're stupid. Every day, gamers make fun of plenty more men with game industry jobs (see Gabe Newell, Todd Howard, Robert Kotick, Notch, etc) then women with industry jobs, but they don't go pulling the sexism cards. In fact, we (yes, I include myself in this collective conscious) have been making fun of folk such as Gabe Newell and Reggie Fills-Aime for years before you surfaced, Miss Hepler, so you have no right to pull the misogyny card just because someone on the internet said you can't write. It's your material we hate, not your genitals. Yes, I'm growing a tad unprofessional as I write this, but that's my rage building up over how even I'm getting mad over this woman. I know I'm getting off topic with the "this is why you suck" speech, but why the hell would you work in the game industry if you hate video games? That's like being a successful sports broadcaster and hating sports. Not knowing anything about video games, and never playing them, actually affects the kind of scripts being written. Tim Schafer mentioned something in an interview about this regarding story in video games, how you have to know what you're writing for if you want to write for it, so I won't go in depth, I'll just recommend you search for the interview.
In closing, I recommend Googling "M.I.T.H."

8) Why is "I never asked for this" still funny while "Arrow in the knee" isn't? I saw a t-shirt with an arrow in the knee joke, and I said to my brother "I might as well buy a T-shirt with a picture of someone beating a dead horse with a sledgehammer," but I can laugh all day about Adam Jensen not asking for things. It must be one of nature's mysteries. I feel like the video on the right, however, deserves internet fame. Anyone who let this gem of a line slip through, and how Spike Spiegel's former voice actor was willing to keep a straight face while recording this is beyond me.






In closing, Weekend Update is a fun thing that lets me make a bunch of articles in one entry instead of clouding up the blog with multiple per-day posts. I likey. Also, after about two years of operating out of Steam, I finally caught on about the whole connection between "Valve" and "Steam." Please tell me I'm not the only one....

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