Monday, June 10, 2013

Slightly Redder Red: EA Conference 2013

Let the evil unfold....

So the conference started with stupid wubs, and then led into the Plants Versus Zombies third person shooter, which looks kawaii as hell but repetitive. It runs on the new Battlefield engine for some stupid reason. Then the Popcap guy started talking about Peggle 2 and left the stage, with me wondering if he's being serious.

Titan Fall or whatever just looks like a literal copy of Brink and Blacklight: Retribution and Halo mushed together. Then they started jizzing over their new engine and saying the next few games were on the Frostbyte engine.

I couldn't care less about Need for Speed. The multiplayer looks like standard drop in drop out, although they called it revolutionary. It makes me wish I was playing Burnout: Paradise. I will admit, the graphics were good. But then they started advertising the Need for Speed movie, and since that's not video games I don't approve.

The Dragon Age: Inquisition reveal was really shitty. They talked for a minute and then played the trailer for the game. As soon as it was over they played EA SPORTS. IT'S IN THE GAME, which no one who watches E3 gives a shit about. I liked the random black guy with dreads doing spoken word about sports video games, though.

They're going into so much detail about all the new mechanics being put into their sports games to prove REALISM, like dribbling technology and feet technology.

For some reason Drake is making an appearance. He talks about football. Not American football, I mean futbol. 

UFC is getting a huge spotlight because of the deal they made last year. I really don't care.

Battlefield 4 reveal was honestly the highlight, and I don't even LIKE Battlefield. 64 playtesters playing a cool looking map. Graphics were the same as three, but the environment destruction and teamwork looks okay. I can't hate the whole "tablet integration command mode thing". I DID hate that they were playing on PC, but pretty much every playtester that was on stage was using an Xbox controller.

Wanna know what's better than BF4? MIRROR'S EDGE 2, NIGGA. I guess I have to stop boycotting EA for one game. 

All in all, I'd give the conference a D.

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